i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
