Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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