We named our party play list daddy issues
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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