So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
