hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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