so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
