wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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