wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hippo gnu deer
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
