walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
