I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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