no, he came in my armpit
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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