So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
