one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
