It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
