i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
