Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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