I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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