I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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