i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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