Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
