i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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