So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
