What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
