No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
