I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
