Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
