lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
