True but thats because hes a fetus.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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