I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
