stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
