Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
