This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
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Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
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Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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