bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
