just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she looked like the before picture.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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