so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
