I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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