when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
