wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
