Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
