Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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