He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
