Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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