I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
