In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
