Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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