You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
