mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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