i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
