Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
