My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
