oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
