When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
