the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
