I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enjoy the penises
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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