sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
