remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
