So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You are the jesus of drinking
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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