He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
