I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I wanna bring you to show and tell
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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