I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize