how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
where are you?
Hypothermia
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
