like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
