Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
