So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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