I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
