God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
