I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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