3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
