so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
