I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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