so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
