I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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