he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
