hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
