For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
