the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
