Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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