He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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