i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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