When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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